The Anticipation

I'm at 36 weeks now and I have to admit that I'm nervous. I'm SO nervous because next week (37 weeks) is the week when Eli surprised us by arriving 3 weeks early. This time around, the anticipation is killing me. Since I can go so early, I feel like it could happen at any time. Every time I take the kids somewhere I think to myself, "Is this the last thing we're going to do before our lives are turned upside down?" The anticipation is worse this time around, first of all, because the baby could arrive at any moment now without any warning. I know this sounds like common sense--duh, it's a surprise to most people--but for me labor is early (Elina was born at 38 weeks and Eli at 37 weeks), very sudden, and very quick (I had Eli about 30 minutes after my water broke). All of those things combined makes it very, very scary...especially now that I know better. I mean, my OB told me that this time, the minute I feel a contraction I need to go straight to the hospital. That gives me a good reason to be a little nervous, right?

The second reason the anticipation is worse this time around is because we already know what to expect. During your first pregnancy you don't really know anything concrete. You only know what you read about in books and what your friends tell you. You know that you will be tired, but in your mind it's all dreamy and nice. Yes, I will nap when the baby naps. Yes, the baby will naturally know how to latch on and breastfeeding will be easy as pie. Yes, I'll be working out a little after the doctor okays it 6 weeks after the baby is born. Yes, I'll be tired, but it'll all be worth it because I will have this cute, adorable baby. After you've had your first one, you realize that you can never nap when your baby naps because you'll always find other things to get done during that "precious" time. You realize that breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally and that you have to work hard at it (especially in the beginning) for it to work well at all. You realize you probably won't get to the gym for the first few months after baby is born because you are exhausted (although I do know people who jump right back into the gym after 6 weeks, but I'm not one of those people). And you realize that all this tiredness is worth it, but, honestly, sometimes it doesn't feel like it...especially in the beginning when you just live in your pjs, sit on your butt for 1/2 the day feeding the baby, and just wish that your newborn could get with some sort of sensible schedule.

Now that we know all this, the anticipation is worse. It's worse when you're armed with the real, hardcore truth. I was laughing so hard when I watched a recent episode of "The Office" when Pam and Jim had their first baby. The nurse came in and offered some advice and Pam said something that contradicted the nurse and Pam said, "I read it in some books." And the nurse just glanced at the camera and said, "Oh, you read a book...so you already know everything." And Pam just nodded. I laughed because that's how we all are with our first--we're naive....but I think it's better to be naive than to know what's really about to happen to you because it's a pretty rude awakening. I think for us it's just been worse because our kids have been colicky (seriously, how could we get 2 colicky babies???), so after they're born we're pretty much on lockdown for a few months. I think that's the part that I dread. But maybe this time won't be so bad because Elina had colic for 5 months, Eli had it for 3 months, so this baby may only have it for 1 month....right?? We can only hope.

I really don't mean to sound down about the arrival of this new baby. Don't get me wrong--we're really excited about it! But right now I'm just posting about some of the thoughts I've had over the last week or so. I mean, I know it won't be so bad because I have great friends and wonderful family nearby who are all willing to help out in every way. B also thinks it will be easier this time because at least Elina and Eli have each other for entertainment while I tend to the baby. He's probably right. I think I'm just worried because last time I was so unprepared when Eli came. I literally had nothing packed and nothing ready. I was just on all fours in pain while my good friend, KL, came over and attempted to put together a hospital bag for me. (After this event, KL and I became good friends forever.) So now I'm trying to be good...this week I'm packing up my hospital bag, washing baby clothes, getting out the baby car seat, and finishing up my to-do list. Hopefully, by next week I'll be ready to go!